Communication allows people or groups to better understand each other and connect. Communication is the means in which information is disseminated.
Communication is also the transduction of emotions and or thoughts from one to another. The purpose is to intentionally create harmony or dissonance with the sender and receiver.
The purpose of communication is to send your message effectively to the receiver/readers. Communication links people who believe in a common cause, together with a view to strengthen relationships.
=========================================================
Birth defects and the effects on children:
žTay-Sachs disease causes too much of a fatty substance to build up in tissues and nerve cells of the brain. Body lacks a specific chemical in their blood, resulting in an inability to process and use fats.
ž
This build up destroys the nerve cells, causing severe brain damage, mental and physical problems and death, usually by the age of four.
žDown syndrome is the result of a chromosomal error. There is an extra chromosome 21.
ž
Down syndrome is a group of associated defects that may include mental retardation, delayed development, heart defects and other characteristics.
žThe chance of having a baby with Down syndrome increases as a woman gets older.
ž
Parents who have already have a baby with Down syndrome or who have abnormalities in their own chromosome 21 are also at higher risk for having a baby with Down Syndrome.
ž
Down syndrome can not be cured. Many people however live productive lives well into adulthood.
Can birth defects be diagnosed before birth?
žSome birth defects can be diagnosed before birth. Some prenatal tests that can be taken are:
žUltrasound
žAmniocentesis
ž
Chronic villus sampling
Can birth defects be treated before birth?
žAdvances in prenatal therapy now make it possible to treat some birth defects before birth.
ž
Prenatal surgery – urinary-tract blockages, rare tumors in the lungs, spina bifida, and ph disease.
žIt is important to remember that all of these hereditary diseases can not be prevented.
ž
Environmental factors however can be prevented. These birth defects are brought on by by the mother's lack of care.
ž
Environmental Birth Defects Include:
Smoking
žOverweight/underweight
žSTIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections)
žPoor Nutrition (ex. Lack of folic acid, high caffeine intake, and so on.)
ž
Household Chemicals
žNo immunizations against rubella
žExposure to X-RAYS
žAlcohol
žConstant exposure to cats: Cats feces contain a parasite called toxosplasmosis
žPrescribed and non-prescribed drugs
lack of care.
On Wednesday November 20th, 2012 we looked at social and emotional development of infants. Here is the work I wrote on the board to complete if you did not have enough time to write the notes:
On Wednesday November 20th, 2012 we looked at social and emotional development of infants. Here is the work I wrote on the board to complete if you did not have enough time to write the notes:
1. Chapter 9, Section 9-1 of “The Developing Child” textbook, pages 296 to 303
a) Define key terms on page 296, then
b) Summarize the following terms: Emotional development, social development, attachment, building trust through care, emotional climate of the home, and baby’s own temperament.
c) finally, read “Attachment Around the World” on p. 298, and answer the two questions
on the bottom of that page....if you don't finish this, we will be able to complete on Fri Nov 23, in
class :)
Friday November 23rd, 2012
Friday November 23rd, 2012
Month
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Intellectual Development Milestones
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How can YOU help your baby’s development?
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0-3 Months
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· A baby builds her memory, particularly short-term.
· She can focus most easily on objects between 8 and 14 inches from eyes,
· Begin to use sounds to express herself and to get attention.
· Should recognize his caregiver's face, voice and scent by 3 months
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· Use contrasting colours (ex. Red, black, white for baby mobiles)
· Carry baby in a sling or carrier. ( Involved in activities, and will hear, see and feel much more then in a playpen.)
·
· Talk to your baby.
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3-6 Months
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· Baby will be babbling now. May even say "mama" and "dada” (not directly to the individual)
· Baby will also be discovering his arms and legs. He can now grab and shake objects.
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Help with language development by:
· imitating the sounds he makes
· This will show him
a) you are listening,
b) and that he can use language to make himself heard.
· Give him/her a rattle to shake and make noise
(shows cause and effect!)
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6-9 Months
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Object Permanence
· When an object is out of their sight, they can still retain an image of it rather than forgetting about it completely.
· He's learning about dimension and space.
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· Peekaboo is a favorite game for babies of this age.
· Stacking containers of various sizes. (smaller containers into bigger ones.)
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9-12 Months
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· By 1 year old, baby may be saying her first words.
·
· Exercise her short-term memory
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· Pointing out and labeling everyday objects in her world.
· Example: When the cat comes into the room, point, wait until baby looks, and say, "Cat!" (Associating with the word).
· Gesture to words. Example: Wave “Bye-Bye”
·
· Hide and Seek: Hide a toy under a blanket and ask her to find it again.
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April 30th, 2013: link added
Childproofing your home : Steps to a safety environment for growing baby click here baby-childproofing
=================================================
Unit 4, The Social and Legal Challenges of Parenthood
Culture Heritage and Transmitting Culture to Children including games, traditions and holidays
Holiday Traditions Create Stability
Although children often seek out novelty-such as the newest video game or movie-they also crave stability in their lives. This is especially the case for tweens and teens, who are experiencing rapid and often confusing changes in their social, emotional and physical worlds.
Holiday Traditions Help Children Feel Useful
From about five to 11 years of age, children struggle to believe that they can be useful and successful at a variety of activities. Psychologists call this core element of personality "industry".
Holiday Traditions Provide a Sense of Identity
Older tweens and teens are actively trying to figure out who they are.
Holiday Traditions Combat Adolescent Egocentrism
Older tweens and teens typically show signs of adolescent egocentrism, or the belief that everyone is focused on them.
Holiday Traditions Pass
Finally, holiday traditions convey important cultural values. For one, the values of the larger group are passed along. For example, the celebration of Thanksgiving centers around American values, while religious holidays pass along Christian, Muslim, Jewish and other belief systems. At the same time, holiday traditions transmit clear messages about what the particular family values. For instance, if the family attends church every Easter, the child learns a message about the importance of organized religion. Or if the family tradition helps out at a soup kitchen every Thanksgiving, the importance of community involvement is strongly communicated.=====================================================
Here are some other things you missed:
SWEDISH PARENTS DON'T SPANK
By Adrienne A. Haeuser
Swedish parents rely on a variety of alternatives to physical punishment to discipline their children.
Can you bring up children successfully without smacking and spanking? Sweden appears to be doing just this only a decade after passing a law which stipulates that a child may not be subjected to physical punishment or other humiliating treatment. Initially somewhat skeptical, Swedes now take the law for granted and Swedish children are thriving.
Sweden's example has inspired passage of similar laws prohibiting parental use of physical punishment in Norway, Finland, Denmark, and Austria. These and many other European countries had banned corporal punishment in schools many years before -- Austria, for instance, in 1870. In England, where corporal punishment in schools was banned as recently as 1987, advocates have embarked on a campaign to prohibit physical punishment in the home through a project called EPOCH (End Physical Punishment of Children). EPOCH-USA is now taking root in the United States [see "For More Information"]. Here, not even corporal punishment in schools has been federally banned (1).
To research the backround, implementation, and outcomes of the pioneering 1979 law, I visited Sweden in 1981 under a grant from the Swedish Bicentennial Fund. I replicated this study in 1988, under a grant from the National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect (2). In a variety of Swedish localities, I conducted extensive and intensive interviews - currently known as "oral histories" - with government authorities, human services professionals, teachers and daycare personnel, child welfare organization leaders, parents, and some children. In the 1988 study, for example, I included structured interviews with 16 national authorities and 46 locally-based human services professionals. In addition, although I conversed with numerous parents and children at daycare centers, schools playgrounds, and in private homes, I also conducted formal interviews with 16 native Swedish parents.
WHY THIS LAW?
Sweden's 1979 laws reflects a sociopolitical and economic evolution, as well as an evolving value system. Prior to the First and even the Second World War, Sweden was essentially a poor, agrarian society significantly influenced by German authoritarianism and Lutheran dogma. Childrearing included regular - often weekly - harsh beatings to "drive out the devil and make room for God's Will."
With postwar industrialization and urbanization, the religious influence on childrearing disappeared almost completely. Most Swedes today attend church only for baptisms and funerals. Social democracy - with its emphasis on rights and equality for all, including children - prevails. The social welfare system of cash grants, services, and insurance benefits provides a supportive childrearing milieu, while the general availability of contraceptives and abortion typically produces families with only one or two children, who for the most part are planned and wanted. Although the Social Democrat party lost power in the 1991 elections, the foundations of the welfare state remain largely agreed upon (3).
Despite seemingly idyllic conditions for childrearing, Sweden moved into the 1970's with widespread child abuse. Corporal punishment in the schools had been banned in 1958; however, the harsh beatings of the previous era - as well as less severe forms of physical punishment - persisted in the privacy of home life. A major Swedish research project concluded that child abuse constituted one end of a large continuum beginning with physical punishment, and that stopping all physical punishment was the "gateway" to preventing most child abuse (4).
Two voluntary child welfare organizations and a government commission exposed the issues. As a result, public opinion of the 1970's shifted from approval to disapproval of harsh physical punishment in childrearing (5). Still, physical punishment, in one form or another, remained in use in some homes; and legal action was deemed imperative. The government's stated intent in passing the 1979 law was twofold: primarily to stop "beatings," and secondly "to create a basis for general information and education for parents as to the importance of giving children good care and as to one of the prime requirements of their care" (6).
This law does not carry penalties - a point that no doubt speeded its passage. When reports of physical punishment are substantiated by social services staff or the police as assault (that is, child abuse) according to Sweden's Criminal Code, the code sanctions apply. Even so, few minor infractions have been reported by spiteful neighbors or children, putting to rest the speculation that such a law would create chaos by turning minor parental infractions into government cases.
Children are well aware of this law. Since its passage, youngsters have reported many more substantiated cases of child abuse than they did before. And I am told that throughout the country, only two children's reports of physical punishment have not been substantiated as child abuse. "I only wish infants could talk," said a Swedish police inspector.
Because Sweden collects incidence data for "unsuitable environments" rather than for child abuse exclusively, it is impossible to know precisely what effect the 1979 law has had on child abuse. Most authorities point out that the major causes of abuse - severe stress and family problems - are not affected by the law. They note, however, that the law does facilitate earlier reporting and intervention. They also note that although they were concerned primarily with physical child abuse in 1981, their focus shifted to sexual abuse in 1988. Nevertheless, social workers and other professionals remain concerned about physical punishment and child abuse among immigrants and refugees, many of whom arrive from countries where authoritarian practices predominate, both in the family and in government.
EDUCATION PRODUCES RESULTS
The law was implemented in several ways. For one, attractive multicolored mailings explaining the legislation were sent to every family with a young child, as well as to schools and daycare centers. The booklet, produced and disseminated by the government, was available not only in Swedish and English, but also in the languages of the major immigrant groups. Entitled "Can You Bring Up Children Successfully Without Smacking and Spanking?" it emphasized that physical punishment has the potential for both physical and psychological harm, and that while parents sometimes get angry and need to express their anger, other options exist for venting rage and frustration. The booklet discussed various alternatives to physical punishment and listed sources for further assistance. Now out of print, it will probably not go back to press because the government believes it is no longer needed.
The law was also implemented through parent education facilities - particularly maternal and child health services, which are utilized almost universally throughout Sweden. Personnel in these programs are now sensitive to case finding and offer guidance or referrals when faced with the potential for physical punishment. To prevent physical punishment of infants and toddlers, public health nurses visit the parents of newborns, bringing advice and materials such as locks and electric outlet plugs to make the home safer for children.
In addition, the law was given wide coverage in the media and on milk cartons. Most parents I spoke with in 1981 said they learned about the law through the media, and it prompted them to "think twice" before hitting their children. Some parents, guided by the belief that legislation cannot change behavior, snickered about the "smacking and spanking law." Only a few parents and one professional actually opposed it, however, claiming that incessant yelling and screaming created more harm than a spanking that caused no physical injury.
In 1988, on the other hand, most younger parents said they learned about the law in school. They had been students when the school system, in response to passage of the law, intensified the curriculum in child development and parenting or grades seven through nine. And parents did not object to having their children learn about the law in school. As one parent said, "This teaches children not to be violent." None of the parents I met on my second trip had to "think twice" about hitting their children. As beneficiaries of the school program and the government's public education materials, they had internalized the message.
Nor did anyone among my 1988 encounters snicker about the law or oppose it. Both parents and professionals agreed that Swedish parents, aside from those with very serious psychological or social problems, were not using physical punishment of any sort, even in the privacy of their homes. Only one parent - a divorced father - admitted to spanking his "hyperactive" son on rare occasions. He added, however, "It's the wrong way to bring up children."
Most parents and professionals I met in 1988 reported that as children, they had experienced some physical punishment and that their parents, today's grandparents, had experienced extensive physical punishment. So it appears that the generational transmission of physical punishment as a childrearing method has been broken. Today, Swedish parents simply assume that not using physical punishment is standard practice. In effect, it is now easier for Swedish parents to avoid physical punishment than to defend its use.
MORE DISCIPLINE NOT LESS
An interesting change in Swedish childrearing has occurred since passage of the 1979 law. With the maturing of social democracy by the 1940's and 1950's, child guidance experts began proclaiming the values of permissive parenting. Swedish society, no longer dependent on authoritarian values, wanted children to learn to be creative and selfdirected at an early age. Arriving in Sweden in 1981, I was shocked by the general lack of concern about children's behavior. I observed youngsters acting in ways that clearly warranted parental intervention; yet, even parents who were not enamored of permissive childrearing claimed that if they could not physically punish their children, they did not know what to do instead, so they did nothing. I questioned the need for an antispanking law in a society that was not inclined to discipline its children.
By 1988, the picture had changed markedly. Child guidance professionals were admitting that permissive childrearing was a failed experiment, and parent educators were telling parents to "dare to be parents." I saw parents setting limits and disciplining their children - partly because the professionals were now giving this sort of advice, partly because the sociopolitical had become more conservative, and partly because the 1979 law had forced parents to think about childrearing options.
Swedish parents now discipline their children; and in doing so, they rely on a variety of alternatives to physical punishment. The method most commonly used is verbal conflict resolution, which invites parents as well as children to express their anger in words. Parents insist that discussions involve constant eye contact, even if this means taking firm hold of young children to engage their attention. Parents and professionals agree that discussions may escalate into yelling, or that yelling may be a necessary trigger for discussion. Still, many point out that while yelling may be humiliating, it is better than ignoring the problem or containing the anger, and it is usually less humiliating than physical punishment.
Verbal conflict resolution may come more easily to Swedish parents than to most others, due to Sweden's proliferation of couple communication classes. Parents who know how to communicate with each other tend to be adept at using these skills with their children (7).
To socialize preverbal infants and toddlers, Swedish parents make every effort to avoid conflict. They thoroughly childproof their homes and give their children a great deal of attention. Society supports include paid parental leave, which permits one parent to remain at home throughout a baby's first 15 months of life. Many municipalities provide neighborhood parent-child centers, where mothers - particularly those who feel isolated at home - can gather for sociability and respite while their babies and toddlers enjoy supervised play. Staffing the centers are early childhood educators and social workers who are equipped to help parents solve early socialization problems.
Problems that arise in the early years are addressed in nonpunitive ways. Although the 1979 law does not prohibit the use of physical force or restraint in removing a child from danger, parents do not resort to physical tactics, even while removing a child from the middle of a street. Instead, they talk to the child and watch the child more carefully in the future. Children, for their part, get the message - without a smack or even a swat.
Swedish families appear to be flourishing. The children I saw in 1988 were generally well behaved and, according to their teachers, easier to teach because they were accustomed to discipline at home. They also seemed much more self-disciplined in public than they were on my first visit. Although Sweden has its share of teen drug problems, juvenile crime, and slightly increasing rates of property crime, violent crimes against people are decreasing (8). Moreover, adults are considerably more optimistic about Sweden's children than they were a decade ago.
NONVIOLENCE IN SOCIETY BEGINS AT HOME
Sweden has not been to war in over a century. Indeed, Sweden's social democracy, which promotes cooperation over competition, has been characterized as a movement of "ballots not bullets" (9). This disdain for violence has clearly provided a favorable milieu for helping parents abandon physical punishment.
The aversion to violence remains rooted in Swedish culture. The news media, controlled largely by the government, depict violence only while airing international news. Imported videos rented out for at-home viewing are another story entirely. Both the government and parents are acutely concerned about the violence portrayed in these films. Educators and healthcare professionals assert that even many video cartoons, including those starring Donald Duck, are violent. Parent-teacher associations are rising to the occasion and actively helping parents learn how to regulate their children's video viewing.
Another area of some concern is institutionalized power sports, which some Swedes believe are an alternative to the expression of aggression and physical violence. Channeling physical aggression through forms of ritualized physical activity, they claim, teaches physical control. And indeed, judo and karate parlors and schools are proliferating throughout the country. While most research now concludes that identifying with any form of aggressive behavior - in reality or in the media - promotes aggressive behavior (10), a number of Swedes maintain that the physical control learned through power sports is a deterrent to violence.
While the macho male may be revered on video screens or in karate parlors, he is not a Swedish ideal. Nor are fathers macho figures. Much to the contrary, they tend to be active participants in parenting and characteristically do not model aggressive values.
Over the years, Sweden's social welfare support for families mitigated many tensions and stresses that would have otherwise sparked parental tempers.. For nonviolent Sweden, however, this was not enough. By 1979, it became necessary to enact a law specifically directing parents not to hit their children. Now, a decade later, the law appears to be effective - and to demonstrate that it is indeed possible to bring up children without smacking and spanking.
=========================================================Positive Guidance and Discipline.
From the Child Development Institute:
http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/parenting/For%20additional%20help#For%20additional%20help
Time Out Area
The time-out area should be easily accessible, and in such a location that the child can be easily monitored while in time-out. For example, if most activity takes place on the first floor of the house, the time-out area should not be on an upper floor. A chair in the corner of the dining room is an excellent spot. Placing a kitchen timer on the table is a good way to keep the child informed of how much time he has left to serve.
Amount of Time Spent in Time Out
Generally, it is considered more effective to have short periods of time-out, 5 to 10 minutes, rather than to have long periods, such as half an hour to an hour. Children can fairly quickly begin to use their imagination to turn a boring activity into an interesting one. Children from 2 - 5 years old should receive a 2 to 5 minute time-out. A 6 year old child should probably receive about a 5 minute time-out while a 10 year old child would receive a 10 minute time-out. A general guideline can be: 6-8 years of age, 5 minutes; 8-10 years of age, 10 minutes; 10-14 years of age, 10 to 20 minutes. Some double the time-out period for such offenses as hitting, severe temper tantrums, and destruction of property. (Note: ADHD children may benefit from shorter times than those suggested above).
Specifying Target Behaviors
It is very important the child be aware of the behaviors that are targeted for reduction. They should be very concretely defined: for example, hitting means striking someone else’s with the hand or an object, or coming home late means arriving home any time after
Procedures for Time Out
- When a child is told to go into time-out, a parent should only say, "Time-out for...." and state the particular offense. There should be no further discussion.
- Use a kitchen timer with a bell. Set the timer for the length of the time-out and tell the child he must stay in time-out until the bell rings.
- While in time-out, the child should not be permitted to talk, and the parent should not communicate with the child in any way. The child also should not make noises in any way, such as mumbling or grumbling. He or she should not be allowed to play with any toy, to listen to the radio or stereo, watch television, or bang on the furniture. Any violation of time-out should result in automatic resetting of the clock for another time-out period.
- It is important that all members of the household be acquainted with the regulations for time-out, so that they will not interfere with the child in time-out in any way, for example, by turning on the radio.
- While time-out works well, it can only work when the child actually serves the time out. There are a number of ways to handle refusal. None of them will work of all children. You may have to experiment to determine which one will work for your child.
- Tell younger children that you will count to three and if they are not in time-out when you get to three the time-out will be doubled.
- Very difficult children, such as those with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or Oppositional Defiant Disorder, may need to be placed on a short reward program. This could include a chart with 20 to 30 squares. Each time a child does a time-out, the child gets a star or sticker on the chart. When the chart is full they can earn a special treat for learning how to do time-out.
- Use response cost. Select an activity or object you can take away. Tell the child that until they do the time-out, they will not be able to use the object or engage in the activity. For instance, you can remove the cord from the TV and tell them that they may not watch TV or play a video game until they do the time-out.
Children 10 and over may decide they are "too big" for time-out because "it is for babies." Here are some other negative consequences that have been successful in reducing inappropriate behavior.
Tell the child that each time he displays the inappropriate behavior, he will have to write sentences to remind him of how he should behave. For instance, every time you talk back you will have to write, " I will talk nicely and show respect to my parents." The first time this happens on a given day the sentence is written 5 times. If this does not help them remember then the next time the sentence is written 10 times. The number is increased by 5 or doubled (depending on the age of the child) each time the behavior occurs on that day. The next day the first occurrence receives 5 sentences.
Remove privileges or objects that you can control. Make a list of privileges or objects (TV, ride bike, stay up late, go outside and play, etc.). Tell the child that each time the undesirable behavior occurs, one item will be crossed of the list for that day. Each day the procedure starts over.
Advantages of Time Out
- It is less aversive than other procedures, such as physical punishment.
- It eliminates a lot of yelling and screaming on the part of the parents.
- It increases the probability that parents are going to be consistent about what is going to be punished, when and how.
- The child learns to accept his own responsibility for undesirable behavior. The parents are not punishing the child; rather the child is punishing himself. The child should be repeatedly told that the parents did not put him or her in time-out but that the child put himself in time-out.
- The child more readily learns to discriminate which behaviors are acceptable and which are unacceptable.
- The child begins to learn more self-control.
- By keeping a written record of time-outs parents can see if the procedure is reducing the targeted behavior. Also, reward can be tied to only receiving a certain amount of time-outs in a day or a smaller time period.
- Never disagree about discipline in front of the children.
- Never give an order, request, or command without being able to enforce it at the time.
- Be consistent, that is, reward or punish the same behavior in the same manner as much as possible.
- Agree on what behavior is desirable and not desirable.
- Agree on how to respond to undesirable behavior.
- Make it as clear as possible what the child is to expect if he or she performs the undesirable behavior.
- Make it very clear what the undesirable behavior is. It is not enough to say, "Your room is messy." Messy should be specified in terms of exactly what is meant: "You’ve left dirty clothes on the floor, dirty plates on your desk, and your bed is not made."
- Once you have stated your position and the child attacks that position, do not keep defending yourself. Just restate the position once more and then stop responding to the attacks.
- Remember that your behavior serves as a model for your children’s behavior.
- If one of you is disciplining a child and the other enters the room, that other person should not step in on the argument in progress.
- Reward desirable behavior as much as possible by verbal praise, touch or something tangible such as a toy, food or money.
- Both of you should have an equal share in the responsibility of discipline as much as possible.
Discipline should be:
- Firm: Consequences should be clearly stated and then adhered to when the inappropriate behavior occurs.
- Fair: The punishment should fit the crime. Also in the case of recurring behavior, consequences should be stated in advance so the child knows what to expect. Harsh punishment is not necessary. Using a simple Time Out can be effective when it is used consistently every time the behavior occurs. Also, use of reward for a period of time like part of a day or a whole day when no Time Outs or maybe only one Time Out is received.
- Friendly: Use a friendly but firm communication style when letting a child know they have behaved inappropriately and let them know they will receive the "agreed upon" consequence. Encourage them to try to remember what they should do instead to avoid future consequences. Work at "catching them being good" and praise them for appropriate behavior.
Child Abuse vs. Discipline
Most child abuse instances start with attempt to discipline. Parents want to give mild physical punishment but their heightened arousal level of frustration and anger makes them hit more severely than they want. It also makes them shout, scold, insult, ridicule, humiliate the child and scare him by making scary faces at him. And they believe themselves justified doing all this.
Every parent has different style of disciplining his or her children. Some go to the extent to physically assaulting their children to the extent that the injuries remain permanently on the child’s body like a tattoo. Others don’t even bother when their children commit blunders of their lives.
The question is when do our activities to discipline a child amount to child abuse?
What is child abuse: Definition of child abuse
Different sources define child abuse in different ways. Every country has its own definition of child abuse. There are thousands of libraries filled with discussion on this topic.Well, I think we abuse a child if we hurt his:
- Physical health; or
- Psychological heath; or
- Emotional health; or
- General welfare
Child Abuse vs. Discipline by spanking
Severe beating by all means is child abuse. I think everyone would agree on that. Most people believe some physical harm like spanking is okay but hurting too much is child abuse.Now the question is how much is too much? And does force of spanking make a difference? Is mild spanking acceptable mode of discipline? Where to draw the line between child discipline and child abuse?
To find the answer, let’s look at what happens when we spank a child for his misbehavior:
We
- Get angry beyond our control
- Scold and shout at the child
- Ridicule the child
- Make scary face, open our eyes wide apart and look like a demon
- Physically hurt the child
- Scared by our rage of anger and demon like face
- Humiliated by our spanking and ridiculing him
- Physical pain by our spanking
- Have we hurt his physical health?
Yes, at least mildly, if it was a light spank. The child does feel the pain, howsoever less it might be. - Have we hurt his psychological health?
Yes, we have scared him and shown him our demon face which gets imprinted on his mind and remains there much after the pain of physical hurt is gone. More over every act of spanking is a violent act. Violence is violence. It teaches the child that it is okay to hit someone you love. - Have we hurt his emotional health?
Yes, we have ridiculed and humiliated him.
Every kind of spanking is violence. It causes physical pain in the body of the child and also causes fear in his mind. Every act of spanking also involves humiliation for the child. The adult does not only assault physically but also shouts at the child simultaneously, scolds him, humiliate him and makes ugly and scary face expressions at the child. The child might forget the injury caused by spanking, but he will never forget the humiliation caused to him and the horrifying eyes of the parent at that point of time and the scary facial expression which look the demon to the child. All this is nothing short of child abuse.
Spanking doesn’t come alone. It comes with humiliation and terror for the child. So we can say for sure that our action of spanking was certainly a child abuse. We can try lots of other alternative ways to discipline children which are far more effective … and painless too.
Every Parent raises a hand as last resort available at his command. He doesn't explore what else he can do to get the child behave. Parents become more punitive when they feel powerless.
If we can control ourselves, we can control our kids too. But we have to start with ourselves first, then only we can teach this to our children.
We, as a society, approve light spanking by saying that we just want to discipline the child. We approve this only because some time or the other most of us do that and we want a mass approval for that.
Spanking cannot be approved as a tool to discipline children merely because of the reason that most of us do that; or because it is the easiest way for us to discipline the children.
Child Abuse vs. Discipline by letting go
Absolute neglect of children, where parents do not bother to provide even the basic living conditions to their children, certainly falls in the definition of child abuse.But abuse does not have to be so severe to be abuse.
If you're making a child feel being not loved or being unwanted or being useless, you are abusing him.
But what about the cases where parents not only provide all facilities to their children but also give them all the liberty to do whatever they want to do. They don’t object to their children’s misbehaving, stealing, abusing, bullying, beating their peers. The child is obviously happy about it.
Does this amount to child abuse? Let’s see:
- Do they hurt their children’s physical health?
No. - Do they hurt their children’s psychological health?
Yes, because they let the child feel that whatever he does is acceptable and it is okay to misbehave and hit someone. - Do they hurt their children’s emotional health?
Yes, because they let the child being insensitive toward others. - Do they hurt their children’s general Welfare?
Certainly yes, because the child does not understand that he is spoiling his future by doing all that, but the parents know that and still allow the child to spoil his future welfare.
==================================================================================
PREVENTION OF CHILD ABUSE
Whenever child abuse takes place there are three components present:
CHILD + CARE GIVER + STRESS = CHILD ABUSE
(Place transparency on the overhead projector.)
Everyone is a potential child abuser. There are countless accounts of average, everyday people who have found themselves out of control and have become abusive. To be certain, there are those who are chronic criminal child abusers. There are those who are well-meaning care givers who get frustrated to the point that they are no longer in control and they end up abusing the child. Today’s lesson is focused on average people like you and me. How do we maintain control and prevent abuse?
The first thing we will look at this stress. Everyone has a different point at which they lose control. This is what we call coping threshold or your ability to deal with stress on any given day.
Remember the day we played the tape of the crying baby? Each of you became frustrated at a different point and time. Some days you maybe more easily angered than others.
Some days it seems all has gone well. You got your car fixed and it only cost half as much as you thought it would or your girl or boy friend asked you to the upcoming dance and you got 98% on your chemistry exam. It is easy to be patient and pleasant. Your coping threshold is relatively wide and you are not easily angered.
Some days it seems all has gone wrong. You wrecked your car, you had a fight with your boy or girl friend because he/she is taking someone else to the upcoming dance, and you failed your chemistry exam. It is not so easy to be patient and your temper is undoubtedly going to be hotter than usual. Your coping threshold is relatively narrow and you are easily angered.
The following are stressors that trigger child abuse. Remember that these are not the only things that can trigger and otherwise loving parent into being an aggressive abusive one.
The presence of any of these stressors can trigger child abuse; however, just because one of these stressors is present, does not mean that the child will be abused.
STRESSORS ASSOCIATED WITH THE CHILD
An unwanted child
A child that is different (different from other children, from other children in the family, from the parent, etc.)
Handicapped (child requires more time and patience, the parent may not be able to leave the child alone, the prospect of having to be a parent for the rest of one’s life.)
A crying, irritable child
A hyperactive child
A child that reminds the parent or someone they do not like (an ex-spouse, the child’s other parent, etc.)
A low birth-weight child (it is more difficult to bond normally to the baby when it has to stay in the hospital for a prolonged period of time.
STRESSORS ASSOCIATED WITH THE PARENT:
Abused as a child (25-35% abuse their own children, compared to 5% of parents who were not abused as children – this is the biggest factor relating parents to child abuse.)
Single parent (any parent can become overly stressed with parenting - being able to turn
the situation over to the other parent can literally be a lifesaver).
Spouse is gone much of the time (has the same effect as a single parent).
Divorce (the stress of the divorce alone, single parenting, children who look like the other parent).
Alcohol or other drugs.
Low self-esteem (parent does not feel capable of parenting).
Isolation (lives away from family, neighbors, or friends who could provide help with frustrations and some of the responsibilities).
Husband uninvolved and critical (always telling the mother to “shut those kids up”).
Emotional immaturity
Postpartum depression
Unrealistic expectations (do not realize that a child cannot be toilet trained by 12 months,
that children are normally messy, that two year-olds say “no” just because they
are tow year-olds).
Stress of unemployment (when unemployment rates go up, child abuse rates also go up).
Financial stress (25% of those with insufficient incomes abuse their children in some way
48% are neglectful).
Other stresses of any kind.
Mental illness (while many think this must surely be the case of people who would abuse
children, this category accounts for 10-25% of child abuse).
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